The redrafting of ‘Daniella Bound’ and ‘Daniella Defiled’ is complete. Story three, while not set in granite, is definitely taking shape more clearly than before. I needed to get back in touch with the characters before taking them to a new place, because truth be told, there were a few thing about them which had come to confuse me.
The trouble with stories which evolve from a simple start is that as they become more complex, inconsistencies start to threaten. ‘The Hobbit’, treasured tome of my childhood, is a case in point. It begins as a children’s story of a quest to win back gold from a dragon and ends in a near-cataclysmic battle which goes all mythic and grand-scale. The book starts as one thing and ends as another, to the extent that later in his career its author wrote loads of additional material to tie in his kids’ tale with the rest of his grandiose Middle Earth writings. A geekish example, but, I think, a good one. When prose takes on a life of its own, not everything ties together easily.
Daniella’s story began with a girl tied to a chair and a debonair man taunting her with orgasm denial. It seemed a straightforward sub/dom scenario with the man, Eric, as a composed and demanding ‘Master’. But I had vague plans for the narrative and they took it the direction of a guy’s revenge fantasy enacted. He had seduced the daughter of the boss who fucked him over, with the goal of corrupting her through all manner of nasty sexual practices.
As the tale unravelled it became apparent that the sub had been partway tricked into what was going on and had conflicting feelings of arousal and anger. Also, while he exhibited some skill in bdsm-play, the guy was no dom with a capital D. He was making it up as he went along and had underestimated his feelings for the object of his vengeful lust. At the end of the first story he expressed a degree of penitence and she gained the emotional upper hand. The game of kink would continue, but with her as a complicit partner.
This pattern developed in the second story. Daniella was naive enough still to believe that Eric was experienced in bdsm, but sufficiently smart and strong to fight him for emotional supremacy, even while he had her tied. He was sold on the idea of himself as her Master and determined to put himself back in the dominant role of the previous encounter. Despite all his best efforts, however, he was compromised by the excitement he took from Daniella’s defiant attitude and by his own developing feelings for the girl, feelings he acknowledged by the end of the story.
Now many readers on the free sites told me how much they enjoyed the ‘Daniella’ stories. Take this comment on Lush Stories:
Sexy as hell with real characters you can embody in a realistic experimental BDSM scenario!
But when both stories made it to the BDSM top list on Literotica, they received a totally different reaction. Here’s one example:
There were some hot moments, but the wannabe Dom wimped out at the end... he was whipped by a dominate female. Personally I find that repugnant!!!
Wow, I’ve elicited feelings of repugnance. That’s quite something, I suppose. I responded that Eric wasn’t ‘whipped’, rather he preferred a smart, self-possessed girl to a doormat. Then someone under the name of ‘joodle’ had this to say:
I agree somewhat with the whipped comment. I was put off by what were supposed to be the hottest scenes in the story crumbling. The scene on the balcony is interrupted and Daniella takes over and gives sass. The scene on her father's bed is awkward and juvenile, like two virgins. It is closer to real life, unfortunately. The woman is constantly fighting for dominance. On the other hand, he could easily have re-asserted himself, but he didn't. I believe that to be intentional on the author's part. Love changes things, and makes things not so perfect and choreographed. Love is often what ends up giving women the upper hand. That is what unraveled in this story was Eric's love for Daniella. That part I can appreciate. It just repels what I originally expected from this story which essentially was a Dom/sub relationship. This was more of a love story. (Highlighting mine.)
Then some voices came in on the other side. Jennagirl’s
I really enjoyed this story. It got me really hot, and I liked the way she challenged him. I don’t think Eric is whipped at all. Some Dom’s thrive on that challenge… it keeps it exciting and adds fuel to the fire. This story shows the rich complexity within the D/s community. Loving someone is in no way equated with being weak in my mind. I think it makes him stronger, wiser… and much, much braver.
And the anonymous
Really liked the complexity of the relationship. More real and more exciting to me than more traditional D/s scenes. Keep more stories coming.
I read all this with some fascination and drew conclusions which I’m letting guide me in the redrafts and the new story. My thoughts are as follows.
Whatever the appearances at the start of the first story, Eric is no Dom in the BDSM community sense of the word. Neither he nor Daniella is part of any community. While an alpha personality, Eric is feeling his way in the Dom role and Daniella is discovering that hey, this submissive business is pretty damn exciting, but I’m damned if I’m going to submit totally to the bastard who pulled a revenge stunt on me. There’s fun and excitement between them, but little trust and respect on her part and a misplaced desire to be some kind of victor on his.
Thus by the second story the two of them are experimenting with a BDSM roleplay neither fully understands, stemming from an initial act of malice. They piss each other off and start to fall for each other into the bargain. It’s messy (in more sense than one), unchoreographed and unpredictable. It’s a real-life love affair. By the end of the second story Eric is faced with a choice: compound his initial offence by acting like a total asshole, or face up to his feelings and hope that Daniella can see past his bad behaviour to reciprocate.
Which brings me to the final story. How will Daniella deal with the potentially screwed-up dynamic and set things on an even keel? It’s taken a while, but I think I know how. A scenario which hopefully will make sense of it all…